Fight with your Spouse and Grow Together
Someone actually advocates fighting? Wow. You’ll love their answers.
“The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable.” James 3:17
When you got married, you probably had stars in your eyes and romance in your heart. Many of us didn’t think much about the happily ever after part, but I grew up thinking peaceable meant hardly any conflict. Here’s a story about that.
We’ve all heard of the Victorian Age, and you probably have bad feelings about that time period. Well, Queen Victoria and her husband Albert were believers. That might surprise you, but they deliberately chose to set an example for the nation.
Victoria grew up in a home without a father. Her English father died when she was an infant, and her mother wasn’t particularly wise about getting along with people. Because her mother hoped to be regent when her daughter ascended the throne.
Victoria thought that no conflict was the goal in marriage. And she was queen. So when she married the man she loved, Prince Albert, she was in charge. And she gave him nothing to do. Plus the British constitution had no role for the prince consort. Well, it wasn’t long before Albert was quite frustrated.
The good news is that Albert was a strong believer, and he set a goal of ministering to his wife/family and the people of Britain. Their beginning was rocky. Victoria would get upset and scream. She was famed for her temper, but he was gentle and firm.
Not authentic, but it represents what actually went on. There’s a story told about Albert locking himself into a room. When she knocked he would ask who is there. If she said the queen. He wouldn’t allow her in. After a couple of years, he was able to convince her he had a better way. And together they built an incredible marriage which was the envy of Europe.
My guests today are Ron and Deb DeArmond. They wrote the book, Don’t Go to Bed Angry.
3:04 What gave rise to the book?
3:42 Leaving your baggage
4:35 Arguments in the DeArmond house
5:10 Their parameters
5:40 How to set parameters
6:40 Recovery from a heated discussion
8:20 Listening actively
9:00 Knowing how you process information is key
12:00 How to ‘table’ an intense discussion
[tweetthis]Fight fair: Solve the problem rather than kill the person[/tweetthis]
[tweetthis]A martial spat is normal. Failing to solve the issue is pathological[/tweetthis]
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