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Caregiver

Help For Caregivers

May 3, 2019
caregiver

Caregiver.

Women tend toward nurturing, so we usually end up with the job,

However, when it comes to caring for family members, the job can be tough.

When my mother had her hysterectomy, I was an RN and worked at a local hospital. Mother scheduled her surgery so I could stay with her that first night so she wouldn’t be alone. I got off from work at eleven and went to stay with mother.

I tend to sleep soundly, and she had a hard time waking me up in the middle of the night so she could go to the bathroom.

I had already worked an eight-hour shift, yet I was embarrassed when my body didn’t want to get up at 2 a.m. I felt I had failed her.

If you are caring for a family member, there’s a lot involved, especially if you’re doing long-term care.

We all have hot spots, and emotional baggage from a lifetime of being in the same family. Add to that the fact that we save the worst of ourselves for the family, and you have a tough combination.

Years ago, all the nursing was done at home and that’s a good idea today since our culture no longer values life.

The whole discussion about quality of life can be an attempt to decide whose life is worthy to be lived.

For instance when my grandmother lived in a nursing home, the staff told the nurses a heart attack or stroke is not a medical emergency.

Since they knew acting quickly saved lives, they downgraded these catastrophic events to normal.

Because we want our loved to get the proper care, many of us become the caregiver.

But it’s hard, particularly if you have someone with dementia who asks the same question every twenty seconds.

In my father’s final illness, he became angry with family members, and no one likes to be yelled at.

Veteran caregiver, Deborah Keys shares tips for those considering the job and guidance for those already doing the work. Plus, learn how you can support and encourage someone in the trenches.


Check out this episode!

Encouragement

Welcoming Shades of Green

April 30, 2019

Regardless your journey, how many are joyful because the clouds have washed away, the leaves are different shades of green, and the weather is comforting? Here at Heart of the Matter Ministries, we are glad indeed!
For this month, let’s work on discerning the Holy Spirit, more… which means, seeking Him for everything.

Let’s kick off May with prayer. Ready?

Dear Father,

By the grave-robbing, kingdom-advancing, Christ-exalting power of the Holy Spirit, restore us with the joy of Your incomparable salvation; renew our love for the beauty and freedom of holiness; and intensity our awareness and excitement about the occupied throne of heaven. In the name of Jesus, the exalted name, Amen.

The Art of Living is #OthersCentered Calendar-May 2019-Cynthia L. Simmons

To download the May 2019 Calendar Challenge, click here.

Deceit

Deception and the History of the Great Awakening

April 27, 2019
Deception

No one wants to be caught in web of deception.

When my children were little, we had met a couple in our church who targeted us to help them. They wanted to start a new church In our area, and they thought we’d make good partners.

Over a period of several months we considered working with them because we liked them. We shared the same faith, and God had gifted them in several areas.

However, we knew potential problems. We prayed about the situation and even talked to my husband’s mentor to get his opinion of the couple. God showed us some very glaring problems with the way this couple interacted with each other and with other believers.

We finally chose not to partner with them.

Here’s the key to avoiding deception.

I John 4:1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

This verse lets us know we can’t trust everybody just because they come to our church.

False prophets can be very charming and sneak in false doctrine after they have managed to get your trust. Not only do they teach things that aren’t true, they often abuse the flock.

Someone coined the statement, “The shepherd shouldn’t eat the sheep.” And I totally agree. So that means we must discern truth from falsehood.

Part of this discernment comes with maturing.

Hebrews 5:14 says “Sold food is for the mature, for those who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good from evil.”

Children can’t drink only milk. They need solid food to be healthy. The same is true of believers. When we rely on Scripture, we know God’s truth. We have to learn the word, so we have to tools to discern good from evil. Because  false teachers are very subtle and nice.

Today Rebecca Price Janney is my guest. She has written, Morning Glory, a story about the Great Awakening that came in colonial days.

Many people, however, didn’t like the preaching of the revivalists. And we are going to learn more about the time and find out how someone might avoid deception whenever they heard a new preacher.

Resurrection

Finding Jesus and His Resurrection in the Passover Seder

April 19, 2019
Resurrection

The Resurrection plays no part in Easter today. We decorate eggs and dress up rabbits, but chickens lay eggs.

During Easter, believers celebrate the resurrection, which is the most important holiday in Christendom.  

People asked Jesus for a sign that he came from God, and he gave them the sign of the resurrection.

That is, Jonah spend three days and three nights in the belly of the whale, and Christ promised he’d spend three days in the tomb but then rise again.

He proved who he claimed to be when he rose from the dead. Lots of people have claimed to be a prophet or even a messiah, however, if you back up your claim with a miracle, it sticks.

On the first day of the week, the disciples found Jesus’s tomb empty. Later over 500 people saw him alive.

I Corinthians 15 explains the necessity of the resurrection.

14 And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is in vain and your faith is in vain. 

15 We are even found to be misrepresenting God, because we testified about God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if it is true that the dead are not raised. 

16 For if the dead are not raised, not even Christ has been raised. 

17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins.

 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. 

19 If in Christ we have hope[a] in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.

20 But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep.

Because of the importance of the resurrection, my husband and I chose to do a Passover Seder every Easter.

Early Jewish Christians left lots of clues about Jesus in the Seder.

This week, my husband, Ray Simmons is my guest. He is a teaching-elder at Grace Community Church and will explain the resurrection symbolism in the Seder.

regret

How to Manage Regret with Forgiveness

April 12, 2019
Regret

We’ve all done things we regret, and we must live with less-than-perfect.

Lately I’ve been having those odd dreams where I get out in public without being fully dressed.

In one dream, I was supposed to dress up as a character for a party. The only outfit I liked had a sparkly lace bodice and a full fluffy skirt. However, the lace had a very wide grid so you could see everything underneath. But I bought it. Regret!

That’s a problem. I’m a very private person, and I was miserable. I knew people could see my upper body and my underwear.

Finally, I found strips of paper towel and put it behind the bodice. At that point, I had to hold it in place, which wasn’t easy. The whole thing was a nightmare. Regret.

And as a child, I regretted my actions too. How often I wanted to go back in time and reverse my choice, especially if I hurt someone.

However, many of our choices can’t be changed, and we have to put up with the decisions our friends make. There’s a verse in the OT written by the prophet Joel to Israel:

“So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
The crawling locust, Joel 2:25

That means God can take the awful and turn it around.

The Old Testament says, “Give the repentant nation larger harvests than they would naturally yield.”

Charles Haddon Spurgeon, the great preacher from the Victorian era, explained that verse: First the person must throw himself on the mercy of God and ask for forgiveness, or in this case, the nation.

As we approach Easter, we remember Christ’s sacrifice for our sins:

Isaiah 53 says:

But he was wounded for our transgressions;
    he was bruised for our iniquities;
the chastisement of our peace was upon him,
    and with his wounds we are healed.

My guest today is Linda Rondeau. Linda wrote Hosea’s Heart, and the main character must deal with regret.

Hospitality

Embracing the Gift of Hospitality

April 5, 2019
Hospitality

I thought hospitality would come easily for me. Mom entertained often, and I watch what she did. Often I helped.

However, Mom made the job appear easy. When I got married and moved two hundred miles away from home, I found myself making mistakes.

When we first married, hospitality meant having couples for dinner.

For instance, once when I had guests, which happened to be family, I intended to make iced tea and Kool-aide. However, I talked while I worked because I thought talking was entertaining, I poured the two drinks together. That make me feel like a crazy person.

My husband loved having people over, but I had to do all the work.

First, I had to plan the meal, worrying about whether it was good enough. In fact, in those early years out budget was so tight I couldn’t afford to do it often because I spent more on the meal.

Second, I’d scour the apartment, worrying about what our guests would think about my decorating and my organization.

Last, I would have to wash all the dishes afterwards, which was a bigger mess since I had done more work than usual. Because I wanted everything to be perfect, I stopped having people for dinner.

Hospitality was huge in the early church because they met in homes. “And they devoted themselves to the apostles teaching, and fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and prayer.” Acts 2:42

Hospitality is also included in the qualifications for elders, so God wants us to open our homes.

Today my guest is Michelle Lazurek who wrote, An Invitation to the Table, Embracing the Gift of Hospitality. She shares how it changed her life.

Encouragement

Welcome April

April 1, 2019

Whether you’re a mom of a preschooler, a homeschool mom, a mystery reader at heart, or a very tired mamma or empty nester, let’s choose to welcome April with open arms. It’s the month we commemorate the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, it’s the month where we happily cheer at the sight of blooming flowers, but growl at its yellow dust, it’s another month for new beginnings and resolutions. What will you resolve this month?

To kick-off April, let’s pray together: 

Dear Father, This month we celebrate Your death for our sins and your resurrection. As we ponder the sacrifice You made for us, we pray for a deeper understanding of Your love. You conquered death so that we have nothing to fear. Let gratitude fill our hearts. Enable us to praise You more and more. In Jesus Name we pray. Amen.

The Art of Living is #OthersCentered Calendar-April 2019-Cynthia L. Simmons

To download the April 2019 Calendar Challenge, click here.

Forgiveness

Guidelines on Forgiveness for Yourself and Others

March 29, 2019
Forgiveness

Forgiving can be the hardest thing you do, especially when you must forgive yourself.

When I was in high school, I got a job as a waitress. I don’t think I was a very good one. Looking back, I realize I was very young, and I didn’t know how to handle stress, and that’s what you face as a waitress.

I made mistakes. Tons. A busy night everything went wrong with one table. A lady in the party complained about having too much salad dressing on her salad. I took it to the back and asked for another one, but the everyone felt overwhelmed by the crowds. And he was helping others.

The manager made her another one, but he didn’t hear me say to put the dressing on the side, and I was too shy to tell him he did it wrong. So I took the new salad to her and that made even more angry.

For some reason, they didn’t have certain pieces of silverware, which made no sense because I always took a packet of utensils first. However, they still weren’t happy when I delivered them. 

When they left the hostess called me up the register and scolded me again in front of the clients for doing a terrible job. I didn’t really need that because they had already screamed at me enough, but I was almost ready to cry by the time the hostess finished with me.

Once I mess up, I have a hard time letting go of my own emotions. They nag me, and I only feel worse as the day wears on. I’m sure the hostess spoke out of concern for the restaurant’s reputation, but I could hardly drag myself out of the pit that day. I couldn’t offer myself forgiveness.

When we hurt someone’s feelings, it creates a debt of sort. That other person wants the wrong corrected by replacing what they lost and or and apology.

In a family someone can hurt us over and over, which makes forgiveness really hard. Because we know they will probably do it again.

Today I have Lindsey Brackett, and she wrote a book called Still Waters, where forgiveness is a very big theme.

Death

How to Teach Your Children About Death

March 22, 2019
Death

Death. Bring up death around adults and you can stop a conversation. Not a fun topic. But your kids might not understand.

For example, when I was about five, my great-aunt died. I had seen her at the nursing home and recall a gray-headed lady who wore a bun and had a huge mole on her neck.

After she died, my parents took me to the funeral home. I vividly recall standing at the casket, staring into her face. She didn’t breath and that made me feel like I was going to choke.

I attempted to walk away, but my dad grabbed my shoulders and made me stand there. Maybe I misunderstood what he was trying to do, but I couldn’t leave. That upset me.

Combine that with death-bed stories I heard from the pulpit, and I became afraid of death. Now I know I have mild-intermittent asthma. Whenever death became a topic, I felt out of breath.

Mom and Dad must have told our preacher, because when he arrived at the funeral home, he came to talk to me. A huge man with a booming voice, I hated being singled out for attention. Sheer terror filled my heart.

He told me he didn’t like going where death had been, but he went anyway.

My parents probably thought the pastor would help me. Nope. I wanted to escape.

My grandmother died later, and I refused to go. I recall seeing Mom and Dad exchange serious looks whenever the topic of death came up.

At six, I accepted Jesus as my savior because I didn’t want to go to hell, but that didn’t erase my fear of death. And I had no intentions of talking about how I felt.

Today Ginger Sanders came to share about her book, Firefly, which talks about how to explain death to children. She will give us tips on how to avoid what I experienced.

Suicide

Suicide: Recovery for Families and Prevention for Victims

March 15, 2019
Suicide

Suicide. It destroys a life but hurts everyone.

About ten years ago, a brilliant young lady attended our church. She had a charismatic personality, and people liked her.

For some reason, she had an obsession with suicide. She talked and wrote about it even though she came from a loving family and didn’t display signs of depression. Our youth pastor often talked to her about the topic and made her promise never to do it.

My husband and I went to a theater one night that young people attended. That night they had a open mike, and this young gal read a poem on suicide. It alarmed us, and my husband went to talk to her father. His dad already knew her tendency and shrugged it off.

However, one morning her parents found a suicide note. Shortly afterward, police found her body. Dead.

The mother and father were devastated. I remember the funeral. My husband felt guilty that he hadn’t been more adamant in his conversation with the father.

For weeks afterward various church members talked about the suicide. People that hardly knew her wished they had said something or done something to prevent her actions. In essence, the whole church grieved and experienced guilt.  That surprised me. But it was such a tragedy and we all regretted it.

God gives life, and he restores life. Sin brings death. And it’s Satan’s lie that death is better than life.

Heb 2:14 says

Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil.

Christina Rose is my guest today, and she shares from her family’s experiences.

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