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Mother’s Day: Mother Daughter Duo: Rhonda and Kaley Rhea Co-Authors

May 18, 2017

Mother’s Day: Mother and Daughter Duo: Rhonda and Kaley C0-Authors

As a little girl, I looked up to my mother. I can recall sitting on the couch beside her, her admiring her. She was pretty, smart, and was … a mother. I wanted to be like her. As I grew older and got into my teens, I began to feel like we didn’t communicate. We didn’t have a lot in common, or at least I thought so. There was a communication barrier there I failed to understand.

Now that she is gone, I understand her better because she wrote a lot, and I was able to get a peek inside her mind. And I know I’m a lot like her.

Mother’s Day receives mixed reviews. Some of you may have had great mothers, and you enjoy honoring her. Others had a difficult childhood and may try not to repeat the mistakes your mother made. I remember Mother’s day as painful after I lost my mother. Plus those of you with difficult children may find this season painful.

My heart goes out to all of you who might be hurting.

Today I’d like to give young mothers some guidance on doing well, overcoming obstacles and feeling confident in this important job.

I’m reminded of what Paul said to I Timothy: He obviously believed Timothy’s mother and grandmother impacted his life. “For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother, Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.”

My guests are Rhonda Rhea and her daughter Kaley. They are the authors of Turtles in the Road, an inspirational humorous romance that’s just releasing. They are both TV personalities for Christian Television Network’s KNLJ in mid-Missouri. Rhonda is also a nationally-known speaker, humor columnist and author of 11 other books, including Fix-Her-Upper, a soon-releasing nonfiction project coauthored with Beth Duewel. Rhonda is married to her pastor/husband, Richie Rhea, and they have five grown children. Kaley works at Missouri Baptist University and she and Rhonda both live in the St. Louis area.

Learn more about Rhonda and Kaley here.

Rhonda and Kaley

[tweetthis]#humor is a great way to reach your child’s heart[/tweetthis]

Bible Study, Church, Commitment to Christ, Communication, Doing Family God's Way, Educating your children, Family, Freedom, Guilt, Heart of the Matter, Home Atmosphere, Making choices, Ministry using your gift, Parenting, Prayer, Rest, Walking by Faith

Parenting Guidance: Raising Disciples at Home with Melissa Spoelstra

January 20, 2017
Raising Disciples at Home

Parenting Guidance: Raising Disciples at Home

Dr. James Dobson wrote a book called, Parenting isn’t for Cowards.  What a true statement. What an incredible feeling to hold your first baby in your arms. It’s a miracle! You examine all the fingers and fingernails. And the sweet little feet. I was a registered nurse and I checked all their reflexes. Such an experience. I had five children and I found it overwhelming each time. But I also felt the weight of reasonability. You know that your choices will profoundly impact the baby’s future.

I took psychology classes as part of my nursing, and it was impossible not to notice how many things get blamed on parents. There’s so much to think about.

I can recall wanting the very best for each baby, but I was taken aback by how different each child was. With my first two children, I said I had opposites, and then as I kept having children, they were different too. How many opposites are there? They have different needs and respond differently to every situation. I was intensely aware that I needed godly guidance. I had a disabled child, and after all the experience I had, I needed the Lord’s help.

Deuteronomy 6:7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

What a command! That verse is enough to make you nervous.

Melissa Spoelstra wrote a book called T0tal Family Makeover, and she’s here to share with us.

Raise Disciples at Home

Melissa Spoelstra

 

 

 

For Melissa’s Website click here: http://melissaspoelstra.com/

 

 

 

 

2:40 You state your kids are NOT your report card. Explain.

5:55 How can you have spiritual conversations with your kids?

8:25 Explain the ‘question game.’

12:40 Questions about pain in the world.

13:40 Teaching the Bible

18:00 Teaching your child to serve.

[tweetthis]Find ways for your child to serve others[/tweetthis]

Boundaries, Communication, Doing Family God's Way, Educating your children, Emotions, Encouragement, Goals, Grief, Heart of the Matter, Keeping our focus, Mothering, Parenting, Prayer, Responsiblity, Surrender to Christ, Trust

Praying for Your Child While He’s Away

January 13, 2017
Edie Melson

Praying for Your Child While He’ Away

God make mothers to be nurturers. He wove that desire into our design. In fact, I still want to mother even though my kids are grown, so I use my mothering instincts on my cats.

There’s a story in 2 Kings four about the Shunammite woman. She noticed the prophet Elisha walking past her house, and she chose to help him. Her husband built a room for the prophet so he’d have a place to stay when he passed through town. Elisha was grateful, so he asked what he could do for her. She didn’t give him ideas, but Elisha’s servant pointed out that she had no children. So Elisha prayed for her to have a child.

After the boy’s birth, he went out into the fields where his father was working and became ill. He fell to the ground screaming, “Oh, my head!”

The father immediately ordered his servants to take the child to his mother. His mother held him until noon that day, and then he died. The mom went to find the prophet who raised him from the dead.

Let’s focus on that one phrase, the father said the moment he knew his son was ill “Take him to his mother.” That describes us. (of course, there are exceptions). We care for our children and will move all sorts of obstacles to make life work for them. However, we must learn to let our children go and face life on their own. It’s a tough assignment for us.

Today, my guest is Edie Melson. She had a son who became a soldier and went on active duty to fight. How scary. She wrote the book, While My Child is Away. She will give some tips on mothering that child who is leaving the nest.

2:10 What is the Headless Horseman of Faith?

3:30 How can we as mothers listen to our emotions and yet use them appropriately?

5:24 What about those times we fear failing as a parent?

6:45 Tell us the frog story? What does it teach us?

9:00 Share about loving the people your kids are with.

10:30 You had a son in the military, and you know about the ‘what ifs.’ How can we handle those?

13:00 Leaving the child with the Lord:

14:05 How can you avoid the trap of allowing your kid’s choices to define you?

16:10 What about the stuff that hurts?

Edie Melson

Edie Melson

 

 

 

 

 

[tweetthis]Prayer is the most important thing you can do for your child[/tweetthis]

Learn more about Edie here.

Leave a comment and you’ll be part of a drawing for a free signed book!

 

Anger, Avoiding humdrum, Boundaries, Christmas holiday, Communication, Doing Family God's Way, Emotions, Family, Forgiveness, Guilt, Heart of the Matter, Love, Making choices, Parenting, People Pleaser, Responsiblity, Stress Reduction, Walking by Faith

Learn Ways to Handle Difficult Relatives that Make Christmas Miserable

December 9, 2016
Christmas

Get Along with Difficult Relatives at Christmas

Difficult relatives can make your Christmas miserable. Family can give us the most fulfillment when we actually connect with them, However, they can also cause the most heartache because we love them and long for their approval.  With the holidays coming, we all dread grumpy Uncle Bill or feisty Aunt Sally. Past hurts can also intensify the impact of uncomfortable encounters.

My father used to crack the same jokes every year and expect us to laugh. If I didn’t respond to his humor, he’d tease me about how my face looked, as if he thought I was holding in my response.

Mother would make a huge meal for Thanksgiving. I’d select certain foods, but not others, knowing I couldn’t eat it all. She would always point out what I missed, as if I overlooked that dish by accident. Plus she would attempt to get us all to eat more, even when we were full.

My grandmother would make snide comments with an innocent look on her face, and she’d do annoying things.  she favored boys over girls and she’d always make sure we knew how much she spent on the boys. If we asked her to do anything, she’d do the exact opposite.

Well, you know how it goes. Romans 12:18  says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”  Wow! That’s a hefty command.

Today I have two guests. The first is Angela Breidenbach. She’s a life coach and a terribly fun person. The second is Linda Rondeau. Both can give insight on this issue.

 

Learn more about Angela here.

Author and Speaker

Angela Breidenbach

3:10 Give us suggestions Angela.

4:00 Open ended questions

5:00 What can you do if your relative is unlikely to succumb to your charms?

7:00 How can we engage the elderly relatives?

7:50 Start  with good memories.

11:50 Ask questions about their stories

20:30 Use mad libs

20:55 How might coloring books help?

32:26 How do  secrets play into a difficult relationship?

34:00 Talk about forgiveness.

Learn more about Linda here.

Linda Rondeau

 

Anger, Bible, Boundaries, Commitment to Christ, Communication, Doing Family God's Way, Educating your children, Emotions, Encouragement, Family, Fighting in Marriage, Forgiveness, Freedom, Home Atmosphere, Parenting, Respect, Rest, Trust

Fight with your Spouse and Grow Together

September 2, 2016
Fight or not to fight

Fight with your Spouse and Grow Together

Someone actually advocates fighting? Wow. You’ll love their answers.

“The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable.” James 3:17

When you got married, you probably had stars in your eyes and romance in your heart. Many of us didn’t think much about the happily ever after part, but I grew up thinking peaceable meant hardly any conflict. Here’s a story about that.

We’ve all heard of the Victorian Age, and you probably have bad feelings about that time period. Well, Queen Victoria and her husband Albert were believers. That might surprise you, but they deliberately chose to set an example for the nation.

Victoria grew up in a home without a father. Her English father died when she was an infant, and her mother wasn’t particularly wise about getting along with people. Because her mother hoped to be regent when her daughter ascended the throne.

Victoria thought that no conflict was the goal in marriage. And she was queen. So when she married the man she loved, Prince Albert, she was in charge. And she gave him nothing to do. Plus the British constitution had no role for the prince consort. Well, it wasn’t long before Albert was quite frustrated.

The good news is that Albert was a strong believer, and he set a goal of ministering to his wife/family and the people of Britain. Their beginning was rocky. Victoria would get upset and scream. She was famed for her temper, but he was gentle and firm.

Not authentic, but it represents what actually went on. There’s a story told about Albert locking himself into a room. When she knocked he would ask who is there. If she said the queen. He wouldn’t allow her in. After a couple of years, he was able to convince her he had a better way. And together they built an incredible marriage which was the envy of Europe.

My guests today are Ron and Deb DeArmond. They wrote the book, Don’t Go to Bed Angry.

3:04 What gave rise to the book?

3:42 Leaving your baggage

4:35 Arguments in the DeArmond house

5:10 Their parameters

5:40 How to set parameters

6:40 Recovery from a heated discussion

8:20 Listening actively

9:00 Knowing how you process information is key

12:00 How to ‘table’ an intense discussion

[tweetthis]Fight fair: Solve the problem rather than kill the person[/tweetthis]

[tweetthis]A martial spat is normal. Failing to solve the issue is pathological[/tweetthis]

Authority of Scripture, Bible, Communication, Doing Family God's Way, Educating your children, Family, Family Dinner, Goals, Heart of the Matter, Homeschool, Making choices, Parenting, Sex, Truth, Understand our culture

Critical Conversations: Topics for Chat

August 5, 2016
Discuss issues with your child

Critical Conversations – Chat with your children on topics that matter

When I was a young mother, I had a deep longing to share my faith with my children. My husband and I made a deliberate choice to spend time with our children and talk about things, all kinds of topics. That’s why we homeschooled. In fact, my husband even taught my kids to argue. He didn’t want that ‘yes it is’ and ‘no it’s not’ nonsense. Instead, he wanted them to engage in sharing facts. The Bible says to give reasons for the hope that is within you and that sort of conversation is what he wanted.

Today as a person with grown kids, my convictions are even stronger. I’ve seen God change people and impossible situations. I’ve seen him at work, and I know people need the Lord.  I love that verse in the Psalms where David said,  “I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread.”

The world is broken and we see evidence of that every day. Proverbs 4:19 says “The way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know over what they stumble.” In contrast, see what God says about knowing him:  Psalm 119:165 Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.

As parents,  it’s so important to chat with your children. The kitchen table is a wonderful place to do that. Share what God says and interact with them. If they absorb the world’s ideas, they will suffer the consequences. “Be not deceived, God is not mocked. Whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”

Today Tom Gilson tells us how to tackle a ticklish topic. He’s just written a book called Critical Conversations. 

00: 34 My thoughts on this topic

3:29 Talking about uncomfortable topic

4:34 Does Christianity hate individuals?

6:08 Ultimate bondage

6:45 We just want to love

8:13 Huge culture shift

9:05 Why broach the uncomfortable topic?

10:07 It is rude to judge someone else’s choices?

11:29 Teach a teen to be confident

12:40 Avoid the Bible brush off?

15:40 Compare the sin

16:45 Medical Consequences

19:40 Love without approving

Learn more about the book here.

Critical Conversations

Tom Gilson

Anger, Boundaries, Commitment to Christ, Communication, Design, Doing Family God's Way, Emotions, Encouragement, Family, Heart of the Matter, Hope, Love, Making choices, Marriage, Respect, Romance, Truth, Walking by Faith

Tie the Knot Permanently: Key to Wedded Bliss

June 24, 2016

Tie the Knot—-Permanently: The key to wedded bliss

My guest, Rob Green talks about preparing to tie the knot and keep it tied. In other words, what actions can we take to get married and stay madly in love?

Most of us women have a romantic side. We love the idea of Cinderella, wedding dresses, flowers, and the happily ever after. But today many marriages don’t last. That’s not God’s plan. Look at this passage in Luke. “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?”

This passage speaks of preparing ahead of time before building. Any of us would educate ourselves before we started a business. You’d never think of offering your skills as a seamstress or as a book keeper or a nurse unless you studied and prepared. I believe the same holds true of marriage. Marriage is the first institution God founded, and we know from Ephesians that the relationship between a husband and wife is an analogy for Christ and the Church. Entering marriage should be sacred, and our vows held as sacred.
Many today think too lightly of marriage or don’t even bother to marry. Some are even fearful of marriage and decide to live together instead.

Tying the Knot

Rob Green

My guest offers hope. Rob Green is a counseling pastor, and he shares his experience with lots of couples who struggle to hold it together. Listen to his interview for answers:

Find problem-solving strategies 18:34.
1:52, Rob shares why it’s important to be committed to Christ.
Are you afraid of marriage? 5:57.
The world loves a romance. Go to 7:28.
Access tools to love and serve your spouse? You’ll find that at 9:25.
What about submission? You’ll hear Rob’s answer at 11:35

Find Rob Green’s book.

Tweet:

[tweetthis]You aren’t your spouse’s savior[/tweetthis]

[tweetthis]How to love our spouse?: God has all the resources[/tweetthis]

Abuse, Anger, Boundaries, Communication, Dating, Deceit, Doing Family God's Way, Educating your children, Emotions, Encouragement, Family, Freedom, Grief, Heart of the Matter, Hope, Human trafficking, Living through heartache, Mothering, Parenting, Rape, Truth

Slave Across the Street: Human Trafficking

June 10, 2016
slave across the street

Slave Across the Street: Human Trafficking isn’t across the world.

 

Cynthia: This is Cynthia, and you are listening to Heart of the Matter radio for women who want to obey God in a less than perfect world. The Bible says you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. But there are women in our world, and even close by us, that are not free. Today I have with me Peggy Sue Wells, who wrote The Slave Across The Street. She is an author of over a dozen books, has seven children of her own, and she also homeschools.

Welcome, Peggy Sue.
Peggy Sue: Thank you, Cynthia. I appreciate the time to be able to talk with you.
Cynthia: Now, The Slave Across The Street is a story, a true story, about human trafficking. Can you define what human trafficking is?
Peggy Sue: Absolutely. The Department of Health and Human Services has defined it this way. They say sex trafficking is where commercial sex act is induced by force, fraud, or coercion, in which a person is induced to perform such an act and that person is not eighteen years of age. So it can also include recruitment, harboring, transportation, provision or obtaining of a person for labor. There’s other types of services, which we’ll talk about that later on in our interview here.
Modern day slavery, that’s kind of what I really want to focus on. Because that’s what we’re going to see. That is something that consists of different aspects, including labor and domestic slavery, debt bondage, child soldiers, child brides, organ trafficking. There’s some international adoptions that are connected with trafficking. Prostitution, and sex trafficking of children and adults.
The way this works is that the traffickers gain complete control over a person’s identity or individuality through mental, physical, or emotional abuse. Normally all three. They tend to really target children, so these children are not capable of the ability to make a lot of choices that we would have. They are easily manipulated. And so they use threats and manipulation and coercion until the person submits.
Shared Help International states it this way, and I really like this definition. They say traffickers are pimps who use violence and psychological manipulation to control girls, then they convert their bodies into cash. So this is a compelled service and the victims feel that they must do what they are told, and they feel that they are unable to leave, and if they attempt to run that the people that they love will be severely harmed.
The traffickers are experts at breaking the will of their captives. They do not function with a moral compass like you and I do, or like their victims do. And after breaking the will of the victim, then they groom the victim for upcoming acts of trafficking that they’re going to have them to do.
This works generally with a traffic victim will only live like two to five years, that would be the extent of their lifespan, so this is why we want to make sure that we can get a handle on this and stop it right away.
Cynthia: How prevalent is this in the world?
Peggy Sue: You know, in the United States alone our figures show that there are a hundred thousand children that are being trafficked in the United States. And it’s in all countries. Right now it is considered the number one crime internationally, and the statistics that I saw recently said that there are more slaves, catch this, there are more slaves in the world now than there have ever been in human history.
Cynthia: Wow. When I was in my teens, I was about nineteen, twenty, my mother had me take a bus in downtown Chattanooga. I was in nursing school at the time and I was working over the summer, and she didn’t want to drive all the way downtown to pick me up. So I had to catch a bus at the end of the day in Chattanooga, and I was approached by a man I did not know. And he came to me and he said hey, how are you doing? And he was so friendly that I assumed I knew him, but I wasn’t sure. He asked how I was doing and I told him, and he asked me what kind of job I had, and I said well, I’m working right now as a secretary. I’m actually in nursing school. And this man actually proposed that I come and work in his massage parlor.
And by that time I began to get a feel that this guy was not honest and I did not trust him. And so I just told him I wasn’t interested and got on the bus and took off. But I realize now, looking back, that I was probably approached by a pimp.
Peggy Sue: Absolutely. You know, you already used one of the key terms right now, when we’re going to say where to find these in our neighborhood, massage parlors. We find our victims, here in our own communities, in our own backyard. We find these gals in bars, escort services, houses will be set up as brothels. Nail salons, ethnic restaurants, massage parlors are on this list, which is what you just brought up. Agricultural camps, construction camps, hotels.
And then I have two sons that were in the military. When I’m writing the book they said Mom, you know this goes on on military bases. And I was just like please tell me that it is not our US men that are using it. And they said Mom, are US men overseas, they’re the ones that have the money. And I was just brokenhearted. I was so sick about that.
Cynthia: So who are the three players in the human trafficking triangle?
Peggy Sue: First player is going to be the trafficker. So that’s the man that talked to you, that you met when you were getting on that bus. What he does is exactly what you are describing. He comes up, he’s real friendly, he kind of takes you off guard. They do that with children, with young girls. And the girls are completely unaware that they’re being groomed.
The second player is the girl. Usually it’s girls, 75% are girls. There are boys that are trafficked as well. But 75% are female.
And then the third player, and I think this is the key to getting trafficking stopped, the third player is what we call the john. And that’s the guy who goes in and pays money to actually have sex acts with these girls.

If there is no demand, then we don’t need a supply. So I would love to see that if we could come and have incredibly nasty laws for the johns, so that those guys will go you know what, it is not worth it. It is so not worth it, I am not even going to go, I am not even going to go do this, then they could have girls available but if nobody came, nobody was available for the supply, if there was no demand, then there would be no reason for a supply.
Cynthia: Now, can you give you some explanation as to why this person did not continue to approach me? I mean, I was suspicious, very suspicious. But still, I would have expected him to keep trying.
Peggy Sue: They look for somebody who’s very weak, somebody who’s vulnerable. And I’ll tell you, here’s the thing that’s very valuable about getting the book The Slave Across The Street, and of course this is available on Amazon. You just click on there, there’s the book. You can go to my website, www.peggysuewells.com and you’ll find The Slave Across The Street there. You click on it, it’ll take you right to Amazon to the website. And you want to pick up The Slave Across The Street.
It is the true story of Theresa Flores, who was an upscale Detroit teenager, and for two years she was caught up in sex trafficking. She was a girl that had been moved every two years due to her father’s employment. So when she comes into this new area she’s wanting to fit in, she feels a little bit nervous, and what is she going to do in this new c
ulture where everybody else knows each other and she doesn’t. And she’s a teenager and she’s hoping to be able to make friends, and maybe to have a guy think she’s cute, and that sort of thing.
She wasn’t getting a lot of attention at home. She had very busy parents and that sort of thing. And so what they do is they test the waters, and they are looking for girls that are hungry, girls that are needy, girls that are that type of vulnerability. Somebody who’s confident, somebody who’s going to stand up for themselves, somebody who’s going to move away again, they’re not going to go there.
Runaways are incredibly vulnerable for this type of situation. But the girls that are trafficked are very vulnerable. They’re not confident girls. They’re people that have a need, and these guys find that need. They just go to it, they just zero in on it like a target, and they sense it and they go.
Cynthia: I’m sure I’m not easy to trip. So maybe they saw that in my face. I don’t know.
Peggy Sue: Absolutely.
Cynthia: So what does it look like? How common is this?
Peggy Sue: It’s common. I lived in South Carolina for awhile and on Hilton Head Island we stared the Low Country Coalition Against Human Trafficking. So thrilled with the people that got together and said we want to do something about this. So they networked and pulled together all of the resources from the police to the FBI, to all the other para-church groups, the churches themselves, got together with the schools. Anybody that had an interest and said you know, we’re going to gather together and then we’re going to educate the community and we’re going to do what we can.
So as they educated the community as to what to look for, here’s what happened. There was one young man who does pest control, and so he went out to fumigate around a restaurant out there. And off to the side of the restaurant, back behind the restaurant, there was this little shed, and there was all these people crammed in there. And he went whoa, that’s a lot. So he went back and he told his mom. He’s like Mom, I was at work today, I had the weirdest thing that I saw. And she’s like you know what? I know what that is.
So she was able to get in touch with one of the police officers that works specifically with our group. They went out there, and sure enough, this was where they were holding these people that were being trafficked and they also had them working through the restaurant.
We had another one where it was an Asian restaurant, and again, these were people that were in the group and they were noticing that when they would try to have a conversation with these little waitresses in this Asian restaurant, the girls would not meet their eyes. They would not have a conversation. They would not speak with them. They seemed very scared, they seemed very cowered.
And so they kind of started glancing around, and over by the kitchen door where you go from the dining room into the kitchen, one of the workers, a guy, was standing there. And he had a bag of ice and he just kind of kept pounding it into his hand, the palm of his hand. So she said you know what, that’s not okay. So again, she let our authorities know. She said this is odd, I just want to let you know. Not trying to be weird, but you might want to check it out.
So sure enough, they went in, and then they’re very calm about it. They don’t suspect everybody. But they went in and they said yup, that’s exactly what was going on. What they were using to control these girls would they would beat them with bags of ice. So for this guy to stand there like that, he was letting them know don’t say anything to anybody because I’m watching you. So they were able to rescue those girls as well.
And then we had this wonderful lady in the northern area, little older lady, and same thing. She’s not a tattletale at all, but she noticed some people had moved in across the street from her and they had a little girl. She watched and she was so excited, there’d be a little girl, maybe she could make cookies for her and all that. Several weeks went by and this little girl never came out to play, she didn’t go to school, but there were all these cars that kept coming and parking and then they’d leave. And they’d come and they’d park, and then they’d leave. And there were all these strangers and they’d come and go, and come and go.
So she did the same thing. She called the local police and she said you know, I don’t tattle on my neighbors, I’m not one who spies on them. But she said you know, I just have this funny feeling about what’s going on. It seems odd to me. So they did, they checked it out, and sure enough this little girl was being trafficked. So they were able to step in.
Cynthia: So they had captured a little girl, using this little girl for people to have sex with. Correct?
Peggy Sue: Correct. That is correct.
Cynthia: That’s despicable.
Peggy Sue: It absolutely is. So that’s why we can look in our own area, and once we start being aware of what to look for. Another gal was getting her nails done at a place and she asked to use the restroom, and they were a little snippy about her using the restroom. But they’re like okay, fine, and they kind of pointed her back down there. So she went down, there was a door on the side that was cracked open, and as she peeked in as she walked by, you just kind of glance in, there was a mattress on the floor. And she thought, well that’s odd. Why would somebody have a mattress in a nail salon?
So, same thing. She was able to ask around about it, and they said you know, that’s generally what we see happening. We’ll find a mattress in a nail salon or a place like that, where we have people that are brought in from other countries. And then they’re brought in, their identity is taken, and they’re told you can’t speak to anyone because you’re here illegally and if you say anything you’re going to go to jail. So they’re afraid to speak up. Like I said, there’s a lot of intimidation that goes along with it.
Now, the lovely thing about The Slave Across The Street, when you pick up that book, is that it tells Theresa’s story and she’s a rare glimpse into human trafficking because she was a victim and yet she’s been able to come not only survive it, get out of it, and then she’s been vulnerable enough to tell us her story.
And so that’s what we read in the first probably two-thirds of The Slave Across The Street. There’s a lot of redemption there. People read her story and they tell me I read it in twenty-four, maybe forty-eight hours, because it’s so riveting you just keep turning the pages, what’s going to happen. And we go with her into every situation. But it’s not so graphic. I mean, you know what’s happening, but it’s not so graphic that you can’t have your high-schoolers read it. It lets you know without being ridiculous.
And then the last part of it talks about this is how to recognize it in your community. This is how to protect the community that you live in. This is how to protect the community that you’ve built by raising your family here. And so she’s got all these wonderful ways of doing that.
And then she talks about how to see it and making sure that your children are protected, making sure your children are wise and being aware of what they’re doing. So there’s a lot of great information for every reader. I think every parent should read this. I’ve had aunts and uncles say give me that book, I really care about my nieces and nephews. They’ve picked it up.
So the awareness is there, and I have to say, when people have come to me and said we’re just going to educate the girls, we’re just going to let them know what to look out for. I have to say you know what? That’s not the solution. Because none of these girls wanted to be where they are. They were tricked, they were coerced, a lot of them were picked up and kidnapped off the streets. They’re not there because they were stupid.
The people that come and take them are cruel and they’re evil. So it’s up to us as a community to be aware of what’s going on in our community and to protect our environment.
Cynthia: Wow. I know I couldn’t put the book down. I was just going to read a little bit and then drift off to sleep, and I kept turning pages. And I actually felt terrible the next day because when I did fall asleep, I had bad dreams. It was very gut-wrenching to realize that this is happening. And it’s not in another part of the world. It is in your neighborhood that people are doing this kind of stuff.
And that’s when the story of my own situation came back. I thought well, I was suspicious then, but the story laid out for me I thought oh my goodness, this was something super dangerous. I sensed it, but I didn’t think about it much. I kind of dumped it in the back of my mind and went on. Mercy. It’s just horrendous.
What are some things that parents can do to educate themselves so they know how to handle this?
 
Peggy Sue: One of the gals that works with the federal authorities in these trafficking issues, she did a symposium for us down in South Carolina. And she’s got daughters, and they’re grown and they’re on their own, and she said to them you have to watch the movie Taken. And her daughters just oh Mom, it’s just your job, you’re being silly. And she’s like watch the movie. You just need to understand what my concerns are.
So finally her daughter did. And her daughter called her back, and she goes okay, Mom, I get it. Because when her mother wanted her to understand living in another state, working where we know she was a single woman someplace else, she said please always let someone know where you are, where you’re going to be. Just have that accountability. It was just kind of a visual.
And sometimes that movie has helped people understand a little bit of what we’re talking about. Particularly for people that are very visual learners.
And then understanding what it looks like and where to be looking. And to know what the environment’s going to be that’s going to be kind of a hot spot for that. I’ve seen, there’s a group of truckers that are very vigilant against this because they know that girls are trafficked and brought to truck stops. And so there are some incredibly noble men that are in trucking and they are watching for that. We’ve had several girls rescued because these men will see these young girls there and they’re like you know what, I know they’re not supposed to be here. So we’ve had several girls that have been rescued because these men are watching for that.
They’re aware that the places that make a location susceptible where you’re maybe going to be seeing more trafficking is an area around a border, along an Interstate where there’s a growing immigrant population. And we have a lot of refugees that are coming into the United States, and they’re finding different communities where they can settle in. And they’re not always really aware of what’s going on. There’s the language situation for them, so if they can get plugged in with church groups right away they can help them be able to understand how to learn and function here in our community in safe ways. That’s a good thing.
I know our area here in Fort Wayne, I mean who knew? We’ve got a large Bosnian population that’s come here, and so our churches have reached out to them and set up community centers. They’re helping them so that they are able to plug in and not be taken advantage of.
Proximity to large universities. International corporations, agricultural industries. Again, we talked about military bases. And then along coastal waterways like what we had down in South Carolina. The sea islands down there, there’s a hundred and seventy islands down there. They used to do a lot of pirating. This is a different kind of pirating.
So it’s kind of just being aware of what are the factors that make a location susceptible.
 
Cynthia: Well, in the book it described a girl being approached like I was, and sort of groomed in the sense that she came to trust someone. Then they began to exercise control. Can you talk a little bit about how they control these girls?
Peggy Sue: Yeah. In Theresa’s situation she, again, very needy, wanting to fit in, wanting somebody to like her. So this boy starts paying attention to her. Then it’s like here, let me give you a ride home from school, even though she knew she wasn’t supposed to she went with him. Then instead of taking her home he takes her to his home, and then she knew she shouldn’t go in but he’s like oh just come in for a minute, I’ve got to get something, I want to get to know you better and then I’ll take you home.
And of course then he gives her a drugged drink, and then he rapes her. And then a couple of days later when she finally picks herself up and goes back to school, he gives her a manila envelope, and there are photos of her. This had all been planned out ahead of time. So while he was raping her one of his cousins was there taking photos.
Now, these 8×10’s, on those photographs, you can’t tell whether it’s a rape or whether it’s just consensual. And of course, there is the blackmail. If you do not do now what we ask you to do, we are going to show these to your parents. We’re going to post them all over the church. We’re going to post them all over school.
And again, you’re talking to a young girl. Not somebody who’s going to be able to stand up and say knock yourself out, go ahead, and call their bluff. This is a child; it’s someone who’s really feeling like they’re vulnerable.
Anytime she did maybe say I’m not going to do what you want, or have a little bit of hesitation, her dog would be taken away and was killed. Then she saw her brother be threatened. So she ended up feeling like she was responsible for the health and even the lives of her family. And so that’s the kind of thing that you’ll see happening.
There’s always this incredible coercion where the stakes are so high for the victim. They feel so responsible to protect the people that are precious to them. That’s what they do. They are doing what they can to protect other people.
Cynthia: And what got me was that this was going on for two years and her parents did not know until finally she got in a situation where a policeman brought her home when her parents thought she was in bed. So the whole thing was happening while everybody else was going to school and nobody checked up on her to see if she was where she was supposed to be. It just went under the wire, completely. And it just blows your mind.
Peggy Sue: And there were two things that went along with that. First off, her parents were not particularly tied in. And that’s one of the things I love about Theresa, and you as a homeschool mom, me as a homeschool mom, one of the things that we always say is be tied in with what your kids are doing. Be aware of where they are.
My friends that have their children in public school and have them in private school, we always tell them stop in once in awhile. Absolutely show up at their PE practice, or pull in one day and sit in on their class. Show up during lunch and surprise them. But you need to be the one who drops them off at school, pick them up. You need to be the one that takes them to their band occasions, their sports events where they go. You be that parent that is around that knows who their circle of influence is, who knows the people there that they’re hanging with and they’re hanging around them. You be the home that everybody comes to, because that way you’re able to make sure that your children are protected.
Theresa didn’t have that going on in her life. Some of the people when they would maybe, like some of the school people, maybe would be a little bit suspicious, but they were also being threatened. The other thing is who would, on the face of the earth, imagine such a thing would go on? Which is another reason why her parents, even when the police brought her back, they couldn’t fathom it. They couldn’t accept it. So even when the police brought her back and suggested this might be happening, they dismissed it. They’re like that’s not possible. They just could not imagine that such a thing was going on.
That’s the other thing; it seems so fantastic that some people just don’t follow it. So it is so important for us as parents, and I know parents a lot of times will send their kids to bed and then not check on them again. We’ve all heard stories. I mean, my aunts will tell me stories about slipping out of her bedroom to go hang out at her friend’s late one night, and she said her mother found out and the next morning there was a very large cactus planted right outside her window.
But the cute thing about that was the mother was aware. And the message was clear. You know what, baby doll? You belong in bed at night, not out on the street, and I’m aware, and I care about you. And so as parents it’s very important we check on our children throughout the day, throughout the night. Know where they are.
We have to be involved with them. We have to know who they’re talking to on the Internet. We now all have cell phones, and so our children have phones. We have no idea who they’re talking to on their phones. We need to check those regularly, see who’s on their contact list, we need to check their histories, we need to have conversations with our children, who are you talking to.
The computer that they are on needs to be in the common area of the house so that, again, you know who that they are conversing with over the Internet. There need to be times where the Internet is off because you’re just doing homework. You need to have nannies on your computer so they don’t get into sites that they’re not supposed to.
I do know of a case where there was a man who got on and just groomed a girl over the Internet, then managed to meet up with her somewhere else. And she was a very young girl, he was far older than her, and we had the same situation with her. So it’s very much we as parents, because our children are young, they’re immature, we make goofy decisions as adults, you know. But a child needs guidance; they need a parent.
We parent our children longer than any other species on the planet, and it’s because as humans we need that extra guidance. As parents we need to make sure we are involved with our children, know where they are, give them guidance, instruct them, teach them, and help them to know how to make wise decisions and to stay out of things that are not going to be safe for them.
 
Cynthia: Well, I never told my mother that story. I guarantee you if I had told her she would have picked me up every day from school and taken me home. But she never dreamed that would happen.
Peggy Sue: Now that’s fascinating, Cynthia because that’s you have just absolutely put your finger on exactly what happens with victims. Because what happened in that, what was the shame involved that you didn’t tell your mom? You see?
Cynthia: I wasn’t ashamed. I just wrote it off and never thought of it again, because I didn’t feel like I was in danger because I said no to him.
Peggy Sue: Got it. Got it. A lot of girls get approached by something like that, and they’re just so embarrassed they don’t say anything, and then it’s allowed to escalate.
Cynthia: All those years went by and when I read the book that story resurfaced, and I thought I was in more danger than I realized.
Peggy Sue: You were. And praise God that you were protected in that moment. And, like Theresa said in her book, as she was going along, it was towards the end of her two years, she saw them starting to groom another girl at her school. She knew what it looked like. And the same thing with you. This man approached you, you said no, but he was going to be looking for somebody else.
So we need to really be in prayer that people are going to be safe, God will intervene.
Cynthia: And keep an eye out for this kind of stuff. Because I would never have been concerned about my girls. We were there most of the time, we homeschooled as well, and there were times we let them have freedom. But we generally knew who they were with and what was going on. We had our antennas up all the time. So the Lord took care of us.
But no, I would have never been that concerned had I not ready your book. I just never would have dreamed it being that common.
Peggy Sue: Yeah. And our lifestyles are so much busier now. And again, we used to be so much more connected as families. We had more situations where there are more moms, perhaps, at home more often. Maybe they work part-time, maybe they’re full-time at home, we have more moms that are out. Presently right now 50% of our children in the United States are expected to live in a single parent home sometime before they reach age eighteen.
So when that happens, what goes on there? We have one parent who’s left, the other parent who’s trying to keep this family clothed and fed. So they end up going to work. And so generally we end up with children that are spending a lot of time unsupervised. And that’s not a good recipe either.
With our prior we had a phone that was sort of connected to the wall, or we had our little ones that we could carry around. But it was the home phone. So when it rang, even if your kid picked it up, you heard one side of the conversation. You knew who your child was talking to. We don’t know that anymore. They’re texting, their phones are quiet, they’re under their pillow at night. We don’t know. We have to really make a big effort to be involved in our children’s lives in order to help guide them, so they make good decisions.
Cynthia: Right, absolutely. Well, I have just been so blessed by this conversation and I know that this is information that people need for their own children. So where can we find you, Peggy Sue?
Peggy Sue: You can get ahold of me very easily and send questions or comments through my website,www.peggysuewells.com. Also, if you want to get The Slave Across The Street, you can find it on my website there, they’ll be able to hit the button and it’ll take you straight to Amazon to order it. Or just go straight to Amazon and the title that you’re looking for is called The Slave Across The Street. It will say Theresa Flores on the front of the cover, because it is her story. Peggy Sue Wells is the writer, I’m on the inside, because again, I wrote her story but it is Theresa’s story.
Theresa does speak occasionally. You’ll see there will be conventions and symposiums going on about trafficking. You’ll catch her speaking there. You’ll see her during the soaps. They put soaps with the hotline for trafficking, the sticker on it, and they’ll put that in hotels. They’ll go into hotels like during the Super Bowl and they’ll take posters in and say hey, we’re going to leave these posters for you. These are forgotten children, we’re sort of looking for these kids, and they’ll put the posters in there. A lot of the hotel people will say oh yeah, I know her, she’s in here all the time. And then they’re able to go oh, awesome, we found this girl, we’re able to rescue her.
Once you know Theresa’s name you’ll be able to occasionally spot her out there because she’s an advocate for being involved with stopping trafficking.
Cynthia: Well thank you for doing this, because this is something that’s needed. And I appreciate knowing more about it so that we can be aware. Blessings to you.
Peggy Sue: Thank you. Thank you so much, Cynthia.
Cynthia: Listeners, we would like to hear from you. Give us your feedback at cynthia@clsimmons.com
Slave Across the Street

Peggy Sue Wells

 Peggy Sue Wells
Communication, Divorce, Doing Family God's Way, Emotions, Family, Goals, Heart of the Matter, Hope, Love, Making choices, Marriage, Respect, Romance, Truth, Walking by Faith

Thriving Marriage: Greg and Julie Gorman

June 3, 2016
Two are Better Than One

Thriving Marriage: Greg and Julie Gorman

Greg and Julie Gorman believe your marriage can do more than survive; it can thrive. Let me explain with a story.

My grandmother lived about thirty miles from us, and at times, my mother would allow me to spend a week with my grandmother. It was an adventure,  particularly that she had cats, and they fascinated me.

Granny used to wash clothes using a wringer type washer. And that was terribly old-fashioned at that time, cause mom had a real washing machine. But a wringer washing machine would wash the clothes, but not rinse. So Granny would get these huge buckets of clear water, and put the soapy clothes in there. She’d run them through the ringer into the next bucket of clean water. While she was doing that, she would ‘allow’ me to wash the cats.

Now, if you know cats, they hate water. But Granny wasn’t bothered about that. She said you couldn’t ever drown a cat. Well, I heard that I was gonna try. Now I got all scratched up, but I wrestled one of Granny’s cats and until it gave up. Now I was kind enough that I didn’t go on to kill the kitty. But I had to prove granny wrong.
All that to say, God is very very creative. I would never have thought of all that. Really! God said, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, and my ways are not your ways.”

I’m sure if it was up to me, I would not have made everyone in the church have a different spiritual gift.  I would have had everyone alike so they wouldn’t argue. But God made everyone different. Some are good at some things, while others excel elsewhere. That’s the way God made families too. Husbands and wives are different. Once I got married, my husband saw my emotions and said I wasn’t logical. I wanted to remind him I graduated with honors.

Today I have Greg and Julie Gorman. They have just written Two are Better than One, and I love their perspective on marriage. They teach God has a purpose for your Marriage. It can thrive!

Tweetables:

[tweetthis]Your Marriage can thrive[/tweetthis]

[tweetthis]God has a purpose for your marriage[/tweetthis]

Learn more about Greg and Julie here.

Boundaries, Commitment to Christ, Doing Family God's Way, Educating your children, Emotions, Family, Freedom, Heart of the Matter, Home Atmosphere, Leaving a legacy, Parenting, Porn, Responsiblity, Safety, Technology, Understand our culture, Walking by Faith

Family Internet Safety

May 27, 2016
Family Internet Safety

Family Internet Safety

Family Internet Safety begins with living unselfishly. You might wonder how I put that together. Let me explain.

Several years ago, my husband and I took a trip with my oldest daughter. At the time, she was young enough that either my husband or I carried her a lot. During that journey, the weather was much cooler than I anticipated, and I didn’t pack warm outerwear. While out visiting the sites, and a lady walked up and said, “She needs to be wearing a sweater.”

I immediately rubbed my arms to generate some warmth and said, “Yes, it’s chilly today.”

But when I turned to look at the woman who spoke, she wasn’t staring at me. She had focused on my daughter who sat in my husband’s arms. How embarrassing! First, I’d made the mistake of leaving warm clothing behind. Secondly, a lady was worried about my daughter, and I assumed she was talking about me.

At that moment, I got an idea of how self-centered I was. I should have been thinking about how the cold might impact my daughter.

 

Scripture teaches us to be ‘other-centered.’ That is, God doesn’t want us to live to meet our own needs. Instead, he wants us to consider the other person, and as parents, we should be considering our children in every decision we make. I believe that’s one of the biggest benefits parents receive. If we go about our job the right way, we become more mature because our focus goes to our children. Other-centered thinking is healthy.

 Of course, Jesus is the ultimate example of unselfishness. Even though he was God, he came to lay down his life for us. The humility there still jars my thinking every time I ponder it. God chose to put aside all his prerogatives to allow himself to suffer and die. How much more should I be doing the same thing?

As parents, the internet and any device connected to the web offers our children a portal into pornography. Boys and girls can see images they are not old enough to view. Many become addicted, and that includes women. This practice is so damaging to marriages, families, and children.

Mike Genung has a ministry to families in this area, and he’s going to give us a few tips on Family Internet Safety.

Family Internet Safety

Mike Genung

You can learn about his ministry here.

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