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Boundaries

Worried About Perfection? Here’s Some Useful Advice

June 19, 2017

1 Peter 1:15 but 1alike the Holy One who called you, 2bbe holy yourselves also in all your behavior;

That’s a tough command. Nevertheless, that’s what God asks us to do. None of us are perfect, but I sure want to be.  I was the at the top of my classes in school, and I always hated the fact that I missed that one question on the test.

As an adult, I’m always trying to improve and grow as a person.

But, I’m out of school, and I don’t get grades anymore. Plus my kids are grown, I’m realizing more and more how that desire drives me. I also think about that passage in Phil 3 where Paul said he strives for the resurrection of the dead. He wanted to achieve the perfection he would have in his resurrected body.

This is a great goal, but how do we live with ourselves when we face our fallen nature? Where’s the boundary of Romans 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus?”

Striving to become as godly as we can while recognizing and forgiving ourselves for failing. That’s a huge job.

Today my guest is Doc Hensley, he is Professor of Communication (Professional Writing concentration) in the Communication Department at Taylor University in Upland, Indiana, and an annual judge for the Evangelical Press Association Awards and the Christy Fiction Awards. He has around five dozen books in print. One of his latest, Pseudonym, gets inside a woman’s mind and deals with several issues we face such as perfectionism and abuse.

1:55 What is the balance between trying to be holy and our desire for perfection?

3:05 How did you climb inside a woman’s mind?

6:08 The consequences of marrying an insecure man.

8:18 Do we women want the applause of others?

Learn more about Doc here.

Doc Hensley

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Betrayal, Boundaries, Commitment to Christ, Communication, Emotions, Encouragement, Making choices, Marriage, Relationships, Respect, Safety, Wearing a Mask

Relationships: Living without Masks and being Safe

April 25, 2017
Relationships

Relationships: Living without Masks and being Safe

My daughter is grown and has her own kitty. Her cat loves to eat and is overweight. The vet has put kitty on a very strict diet, so she is careful how she feeds him. one day I was visiting Joy and the kitty was very obviously trying to get fed earlier than usual. As a veteran mom, I was watching her struggle with her cat, I had images of me trying to make my kids behave.

However, she saw me laughing and assumed I was worried about the cat, instead of enjoying the situation. She huffed into the kitchen and fed the cat early. At that point, I was very worried that she misunderstood me and thought I was pressuring her when I was not.

Later, I apologized and tried to make it clear what I was doing. I didn’t want this to be one of those things that became a tug of war between mother and daughter.

We are made to be in relationships, but the give and take of relationships is not easy.

Today I have Laura Petherbridge. We are going to talk about living openly and yet being safe.

1:55 Why shouldn’t you rescue your friends?

2:25 It feels like you are helping them. Why isn’t that true?

4:05 Could we be doing it because we have a poor self-image?

5:40 What’s the difference in enabling and helping an injured person?

10:20 What drives us to be people pleasers?

12:35 What if you cannot tell your spouse you need to work on your relationship? Isn’t that unhealthy?

14:45 What do you mean by marriage with a mask?

20:00 Why do hurting people hurt others?

23:00 Just becoming a Christian does not solve all your problems.

23:50 How did you heal from your ‘daddy wound’?

26:00 What that an epiphany for you?

Author and Speaker

Laura Petherbridge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Learn more about Laura here.

Anger, Balance, Boundaries, Caring for your body, Church, Commitment to Christ, Exercise, Freedom, God's temple, Healthy Lifestyle, Heart of the Matter, Keeping our focus, Proper diet

Keeping Life in Balance with Laurie Boulden

March 31, 2017
Keeping life in balance

Keeping Life in Balance:

Ladies, God cares about the choices we make because they impact our lives as well as others.

 

I appreciate the writings of Francis Schaeffer who is now with the Lord. He pointed out that there is no distinction between sacred and spiritual. All of life, minus sin, is lived out before the eyes of the Lord.  He wants us to live in this physical world with integrity in our personal lives as well as our spiritual lives. Because they overlap.

 

We have a tendency to think that brushing our teeth or exercise is not a godly action. Well, it is. Cause you are caring for the body that belongs to God. I used to think changing diapers did not seem particularly spiritual. But ladies, it is. You are caring for a child, and that is all part of raising that baby with love and graciousness.

 

We need to live a balanced life where we keep the important things important and focus on eternityLet’s talk about the fruit of the spirit: That is if you are walking with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, your life will have these qualities.

Galatians 5:22 – 23But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Did you hear self-control? That includes not blowing up in anger, but it also includes good diet and good sleep habits.

Laurie Boulden is my guest today. She has just written the book Weighed Down. The main character learns balance in her life.

4:50 Does any woman think she’s attractive?

7:05 Share how to manage a good diet.

8:25 How can planning help?

10:25 Having realistic expectations

11:25 How can exercise help?

13:00 Share ways to stay spiritually balanced.

14:55 Proverbs 31 lady

15:45 Discuss how prayer impacts our balance

Learn about Laurie Boulden here.

Laurie Boulden

 

 

 

 

 

 

Avoiding humdrum, Bible, Boundaries, Caring for your body, Commitment to Christ, Communication, Modest Clothing, Walking by Faith

Avoiding Blah! : Wear Modest And Stylish Clothing

February 27, 2017
Avoid Blah: Be Modest and Stylish

Avoiding Blah! : Wear Modest AND Stylish Clothing

Women like clothing. That’s a part of who we are.  I think about the story of Adam and Eve in the garden, if they had been there long, (I  don’t think they were) I suspect Eve would have found a way to decorate and dress up. Maybe it would have been as simple as a flower in her hair, or maybe a necklace of four leaf clovers.  Eve was a woman like we are, and we love to enhance our appearance.  I have this longing inside to live in the Victorian era when dresses were lush and elegant. But today there’s a trend toward torn and ragged. Not my style!

Unfortunately, we have to watch what we wear because men are attracted by the visual.  Job talked about making a covenant with his eyes, and he lived a long time ago. Scholars think Job was one of the first books penned, and yet he knew to watch where his eyes landed.

Look at what Paul wrote to his mentee, Timothy:   Likewise, I want  women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments;  but rather by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness.” (I Timothy 2:9)

How can we obey this passage and not look frumpy? When I was pregnant with my fifth child, I said I would never dress blah. People would say I was worn out. I like to sizzle with an outfit that coordinates. Many of you ladies feel the same way.

Today my guest is Allie Shirley. Allie teaches about modest clothing and clothing website where you can buy your next outfit.

2:00 What is modest?

4:20 What are some things you can think of when you go shopping?

 

Find Allie’s store here.

 

Boundaries, Communication, Doing Family God's Way, Educating your children, Emotions, Encouragement, Goals, Grief, Heart of the Matter, Keeping our focus, Mothering, Parenting, Prayer, Responsiblity, Surrender to Christ, Trust

Praying for Your Child While He’s Away

January 13, 2017
Edie Melson

Praying for Your Child While He’ Away

God make mothers to be nurturers. He wove that desire into our design. In fact, I still want to mother even though my kids are grown, so I use my mothering instincts on my cats.

There’s a story in 2 Kings four about the Shunammite woman. She noticed the prophet Elisha walking past her house, and she chose to help him. Her husband built a room for the prophet so he’d have a place to stay when he passed through town. Elisha was grateful, so he asked what he could do for her. She didn’t give him ideas, but Elisha’s servant pointed out that she had no children. So Elisha prayed for her to have a child.

After the boy’s birth, he went out into the fields where his father was working and became ill. He fell to the ground screaming, “Oh, my head!”

The father immediately ordered his servants to take the child to his mother. His mother held him until noon that day, and then he died. The mom went to find the prophet who raised him from the dead.

Let’s focus on that one phrase, the father said the moment he knew his son was ill “Take him to his mother.” That describes us. (of course, there are exceptions). We care for our children and will move all sorts of obstacles to make life work for them. However, we must learn to let our children go and face life on their own. It’s a tough assignment for us.

Today, my guest is Edie Melson. She had a son who became a soldier and went on active duty to fight. How scary. She wrote the book, While My Child is Away. She will give some tips on mothering that child who is leaving the nest.

2:10 What is the Headless Horseman of Faith?

3:30 How can we as mothers listen to our emotions and yet use them appropriately?

5:24 What about those times we fear failing as a parent?

6:45 Tell us the frog story? What does it teach us?

9:00 Share about loving the people your kids are with.

10:30 You had a son in the military, and you know about the ‘what ifs.’ How can we handle those?

13:00 Leaving the child with the Lord:

14:05 How can you avoid the trap of allowing your kid’s choices to define you?

16:10 What about the stuff that hurts?

Edie Melson

Edie Melson

 

 

 

 

 

Learn more about Edie here.

Leave a comment and you’ll be part of a drawing for a free signed book!

 

Anger, Avoiding humdrum, Boundaries, Christmas holiday, Communication, Doing Family God's Way, Emotions, Family, Forgiveness, Guilt, Heart of the Matter, Love, Making choices, Parenting, People Pleaser, Responsiblity, Stress Reduction, Walking by Faith

Learn Ways to Handle Difficult Relatives that Make Christmas Miserable

December 9, 2016
Christmas

Get Along with Difficult Relatives at Christmas

Difficult relatives can make your Christmas miserable. Family can give us the most fulfillment when we actually connect with them, However, they can also cause the most heartache because we love them and long for their approval.  With the holidays coming, we all dread grumpy Uncle Bill or feisty Aunt Sally. Past hurts can also intensify the impact of uncomfortable encounters.

My father used to crack the same jokes every year and expect us to laugh. If I didn’t respond to his humor, he’d tease me about how my face looked, as if he thought I was holding in my response.

Mother would make a huge meal for Thanksgiving. I’d select certain foods, but not others, knowing I couldn’t eat it all. She would always point out what I missed, as if I overlooked that dish by accident. Plus she would attempt to get us all to eat more, even when we were full.

My grandmother would make snide comments with an innocent look on her face, and she’d do annoying things.  she favored boys over girls and she’d always make sure we knew how much she spent on the boys. If we asked her to do anything, she’d do the exact opposite.

Well, you know how it goes. Romans 12:18  says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”  Wow! That’s a hefty command.

Today I have two guests. The first is Angela Breidenbach. She’s a life coach and a terribly fun person. The second is Linda Rondeau. Both can give insight on this issue.

 

Learn more about Angela here.

Author and Speaker

Angela Breidenbach

3:10 Give us suggestions Angela.

4:00 Open ended questions

5:00 What can you do if your relative is unlikely to succumb to your charms?

7:00 How can we engage the elderly relatives?

7:50 Start  with good memories.

11:50 Ask questions about their stories

20:30 Use mad libs

20:55 How might coloring books help?

32:26 How do  secrets play into a difficult relationship?

34:00 Talk about forgiveness.

Learn more about Linda here.

Linda Rondeau

 

Being a grandmother, Boundaries, Commitment to Christ, Communication, Emotions, Family, Goals, Heart of the Matter, Leaving a legacy, Love, Mothering, Parenting, Walking by Faith

Grandparenting: Be Phenomenal

October 15, 2016

Grandparenting: Be Phenomenal:

How can you be a phenomenal grandparent? A few months ago, I became a grandparent for the very first time. First, I saw my daughter in labor. What an experience. That wasn’t my favorite part of motherhood. Second, I gazed at this beautiful baby girl who is now part of my family, and I found it hard to express the emotions that washed over me. I recalled my own grandmother and my mother. Plus I thought of the day I had my first child.

I love that precious little girl with every cell in my body, but in many ways being a grandmother is different. Grandmothers aren’t mothers. We aren’t in the driver’s seat. Instead, we sit in the back seat. We don’t name the baby, nor do we make decisions about how the baby is raised.  While we still want the best for that child, we play a secondary role in the child’s life.

So how can you be a good grandmother? I think about the passage the Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.”

God does work in families. He is, after all, the originator of the family. He does want us to impact the next generation. I love the words of Dr. Mary Manz Simon, “We are life veterans. We bring wisdom, experience, and a clear sense of what’s important.”

Dr. Mary Manz Simon is my guest today and she has just written Faith Footprints with my Grandchild.

2:05 Why did you write this book?

3:10 As a grandmother, what have I left behind?

3:30 Is there a meaning behind the book title?

4:45 What are some worries grandmothers have?

5:45 The word grandmother sounds old-fashioned. How can we get past that?

6:55 How can you build a relationship with your grandchild?

 

Dr. Mary Simon

Dr. Mary Simon with Cynthia

 

Balance, Bipolar, Boundaries, Church, Communication, Crisis Preparedness, Depression, Dreams, Emotions, Encouragement, Heart of the Matter, Hope, Love, Loving the disabled, Mental illness, Stress Reduction, Suicide, Trust

The Bipolar Experience

October 2, 2016
The bipolar Experience

The Bipolar Experience:

Have you ever been shunned? I’ve always been a little shy and studious. When I was in ninth grade, I took a Spanish class and found it challenging. A friend who was also learning Spanish and I wrote to each other in Spanish in order to learn faster.  I was also taking a Home Ec class that year, and when we finished our sewing project, we could work on other things. Since I was free, I tackled my Spanish epistles  home ec class.

I happened to sit near a group of girls who were very playful and silly. When they found out what I was doing, they found it quite funny. And they began to crack jokes and tease. I brushed them off at first. But as other girls watched, the number of participants grew and things got vicious.  Pretty soon half the room was ridiculing me.

One day after class, I burst into tears and the teacher asked me why. I spilled out my story, and she was horrified.

But I will never forget the feeling of being laughed at. Being weird, odd

If you have a medical problem, people are compassionate, but if you have a mental illness, it’s a different story.

Ephesians 4:32 says we should be kind to each other, tenderhearted. I love that word. It means you ache for someone who hurts. You have compassion.

I have a friend who is bipolar, but she won’t tell anyone because she hears awful stories told of bipolar people. She doesn’t want the label. But these folk are ill, and they need us to be tenderhearted.

Today I have Leeann Jefferies who was a model for Eileen Ford, and author, Eva Marie Everson. Together they wrote Leeann’s story: The Bipolar Experience.

2:15 What is bipolar

3:40 Eva Marie, this is been part of your life too. Please share your story.

3:55 Describe cycling

6:00 Leeann, tell me how you feel

6:50 What does a high feel like?

10:15 What’s the answer for the manic phases?

 

Anger, Bible, Boundaries, Commitment to Christ, Communication, Doing Family God's Way, Educating your children, Emotions, Encouragement, Family, Fighting in Marriage, Forgiveness, Freedom, Home Atmosphere, Parenting, Respect, Rest, Trust

Fight with your Spouse and Grow Together

September 2, 2016
Fight or not to fight

Fight with your Spouse and Grow Together

Someone actually advocates fighting? Wow. You’ll love their answers.

“The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable.” James 3:17

When you got married, you probably had stars in your eyes and romance in your heart. Many of us didn’t think much about the happily ever after part, but I grew up thinking peaceable meant hardly any conflict. Here’s a story about that.

We’ve all heard of the Victorian Age, and you probably have bad feelings about that time period. Well, Queen Victoria and her husband Albert were believers. That might surprise you, but they deliberately chose to set an example for the nation.

Victoria grew up in a home without a father. Her English father died when she was an infant, and her mother wasn’t particularly wise about getting along with people. Because her mother hoped to be regent when her daughter ascended the throne.

Victoria thought that no conflict was the goal in marriage. And she was queen. So when she married the man she loved, Prince Albert, she was in charge. And she gave him nothing to do. Plus the British constitution had no role for the prince consort. Well, it wasn’t long before Albert was quite frustrated.

The good news is that Albert was a strong believer, and he set a goal of ministering to his wife/family and the people of Britain. Their beginning was rocky. Victoria would get upset and scream. She was famed for her temper, but he was gentle and firm.

Not authentic, but it represents what actually went on. There’s a story told about Albert locking himself into a room. When she knocked he would ask who is there. If she said the queen. He wouldn’t allow her in. After a couple of years, he was able to convince her he had a better way. And together they built an incredible marriage which was the envy of Europe.

My guests today are Ron and Deb DeArmond. They wrote the book, Don’t Go to Bed Angry.

3:04 What gave rise to the book?

3:42 Leaving your baggage

4:35 Arguments in the DeArmond house

5:10 Their parameters

5:40 How to set parameters

6:40 Recovery from a heated discussion

8:20 Listening actively

9:00 Knowing how you process information is key

12:00 How to ‘table’ an intense discussion

Boundaries, Clash of the Titles, Dating, Sexual Purity

COTT Laurel Award Winner: Delia Latham

July 12, 2016
Ruth Reid

Clash of the Titles: Delia Latham won the Laurel Award.

Delia will receive the following: a beautiful banner to display on her website; a year-long page on COTT dedicated to the winning book, At First Sight; a feature tour on COTT’s Blog Alliance; and a lovely plaque.
At First Sight was chosen by a panel of judges who narrowed the list of competing novels to three. From there, the panel put their choices to a straight vote. Delia’s novel, At First Sight, took home the crown.
Special thanks to each of our judges who volunteered their time to this contest!
BRIEF SUMMARY OF At First Sight

Reagan Massey has gone through a great deal of trouble to make her cousin irresistible to the visiting single minister but things get a little sticky when Reagan falls in love with Cord Phillips herself…

Visit here to learn more about Clash of the Titles.

Laurel Award Winnder

At First Sight by Delia Latham

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